View single post by kineticturtle
 Posted: Tue Jun 22nd, 2010 04:16 pm
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kineticturtle



Joined: Wed Jun 9th, 2010
Location: Oakland, California USA
Posts: 72
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Great work - I love that you have multiple sets of lyrics for the bridge. A couple nitpicky things about verse 2 -

I have a feeling based on the rhythm of most of the other verse lyrics, that "sunshine makes you happy until you get burned" might fit a bit better.

And - a hung jury is often considered the second best thing to an acquittal, so I'm not sure this lyric really pulls the full strength of the meaning you want to get from from it.

Heck, I would even consider switching the verses! It seems like the second lines of the stanzas of the first verse (daddy's voice and bites) are the "goal" lines with more impact, so they should maybe be saved for later.

Can't wait to hear it put to music!



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