View single post by Keith Austin
 Posted: Mon May 17th, 2010 07:45 pm
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Keith Austin

Joined: Wed Apr 28th, 2010
Location: Durban, South Africa
Posts: 110
Hi Andy,

Just read your lyric and all the posts.
Your chorus is perfect because it really puts the emotional content out there. Heart on your sleve, so to speak.
The verses are nice and conversational and the story progresses well from verse to verse.
There is one thing that comes over a little odd though.
All the sections start with I,She,My etc.except one, then in the middle lines you refer to this girl as you.
It's not critical, but, might be more convincing if the persona were more consistent. i.e. Stay with she or you but not both.
Just my 2 bucks worth. A cool song all the same.

Kind regards

Keith Austin.

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