View single post by lissaw70
 Posted: Mon Nov 3rd, 2008 12:41 pm
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lissaw70



Joined: Wed Mar 26th, 2008
Location: Georgia USA
Posts: 752
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 Fran...........I'm lovin' what you're doin' here dear!.............:D

And that chorus rocks!..............I think you have somethin' here..........;)

I do have a suggestion or two.........I don't know if you have a melody in mind............so this may not work if you do............but to me some of the words are crowding the chorus...........:)

Baby, I'm not goin' live this way anymore
been down this road to many times before
I'm gettin' out of this hurtful situation
never should of fell for the cheatin kind..
There may come a time, when I will reget it
when your memory, hurts me while I sleep
...but I will wake up with you off my mind

Don't want to love you anymore
Don't want to love you anymore
 


What about something like this?...........It's simpler..........but the lines seem to flow better for me...........:)

Baby, I'm not gonna live this way anymore
Been down this road too many times
I'm gettin' out of this hurtful situation
Never should of fell for the cheatin kind..
There may be some time that I'll reget
When your memory hurts me to the core
But soon I'll wake up with you off my mind

Don't want to love you anymore
Don't want to love you anymore
 

Keep or sweep dear!............:)  Great job so far dear!



____________________
When I'm not writing, I'm a licensed cosmetologist, rural domestic domain engineer, and quad-certified master genitor...........

Don't struggle to "make" a song........strive to help it become what it was meant be...........
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