View single post by Gary E. Andrews
 Posted: Thu Jan 13th, 2022 05:29 pm
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Gary E. Andrews



Joined: Mon Jul 9th, 2007
Location: Portsmouth, Ohio, USA
Posts: 99
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The Chorus seems such a direct communication between the Singer-Character and the Love-Interest Character I wondered if the rest of it should be more direct, instead of the Singer-Character telling us, the audience, about 'her'.
Here's an edit to explore that.

Back Road ("Back Road Home" might be a stronger title.)

(Verse I)
YOU whisper softly to pull me away
From everything this crazy world
does to ME each day
Nothing else matters when I know it is true
That love is not lost even when I'M down and blue

(Chorus)
So let’s take the Back Road Home,
just turn off our phones!
We’ll have fun all alone,
when we take the Back Road Home!

(Verse II)
When I’m awake YOU lie asleep so sweet
Like a summer morning sunshine
When I’m asleep my heart skips a beat
I know YOU'RE right by my side

So let’s take the Back Road Home,
just turn off our phones!
We’ll have fun all alone,
when we take the Back Road Home!

(Bridge)(The Bridge Melody would be different from the Verse Melody, a break in the Repetition, to renew listener interest, enabling a final giving of the Chorus. Or, it could be Verse III, with the same Melody.)

YOU call me out to be the man I can be!
So many times I forget how YOU can see!
What’s right can’t be wrong when left up to me!
Life’s ride seems long but it’s short indeed!

Let’s take it slow and be all we can be!

So let’s take the Back Road Home,
just turn off our phones!
We’ll have fun all alone,
When we take the Back Road Home!

(Coda)
Let's take the Back Road Home!
Let's take the Back Road Home!

The number of words, syllables, determines roughly the number of Notes to sing, which is the Melody. If there's too much variation in Syllables/Notes, the Melody can be hard for the singer to match up, and for the listener to relate to Structurally. When they hear the Repetition in Verse II of the Melody they 'learned' hearing it in Verse I they know it is a Repetition, and can follow the Structure.
Your Verse I has 10-8-5-11-12 Syllables/Notes in five Lines.
Your Verse II has 10-8-9-8, in four Lines.
The Stanza I think looks like a Lyrical Bridge has 11-11-10-9 and 10 in a 'free-standing' Line.
It might work. It might not. The listeners will decide.
I think the direct conversation of Singer-Character with Love-Interest Character works. It's very personal, very intimate, just between them, without involving the audience as the 'one' being 'told' about it all. We get to be eves-droppers on that intimate communication.



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As long as you'll reach for your pen, paper, instruments, here will always be another Song to be written. Someone will write the next great Song. It could be you. http://www.garyeandrews.com
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