View single post by Andrea | |||||||||||||
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
Posted: Fri Jan 22nd, 2021 12:26 am |
|
||||||||||||
Andrea
![]() |
Hi D, I think your lyrics would be well suited for verse/chorus/verse/chorus/bridge/chorus structure. I believe you have enough without the new verses to work best. I took the liberty to include changes in a version, so feel free to ignore anything you do not like. Repetition in the chorus is almost essential, so I added that. Oh yeah, I changed the title. For me 'The Beckham County Line' as a hook is intriguing. The Beckham County Line (Title and Hook) V1 Passin' through Western Oklahoma Keep on 'til that Texas line Don't even stop for fuel Unless you plan on doin' time Beckham County good ol' boys Dyin' to stop and say "hello" Itchin' to search your car (With) No plans to let you go (Chorus) The Beckham County Line Oh, The Beckham County line >>- this line is an extra. It might not work with music Come On Vacation-Leave On Probation They ought to put it on a sign Stake it along I-40 At The Beckham County Line Oh, the Beckham County Line V2 They're sure to find contraband (I still prefer something that evokes a visual, but this is ok) Hell, the po-po don't play fair Gathering up their "evidence" Pullin' it out of thin air DA's gonna get her court costs >>-court costs sounds odd - can you find something else? How about - DA's gonna get her numbers? Lawyers' gonna get his fees No need callin' mama She aint got the keys (Chorus) The Beckham County Line Oh, The Beckham County line Come On Vacation-Leave On Probation They ought to put it on a sign Stake it along I-40 At The Beckham County Line Oh, the Beckham County Line Bridge Now take my warning serious (another used saying would be - Don't take my warning lightly) I'm sittin' here awaiting bail >>- this isn't as strong as the guy already in jail. I like the original better. Don't stop in Beckham County Unless you're lookin for jail Idea: Don't take my warning lightly I'm writing from my cell A stop in Beckham County Is a one way trip to Hell Chorus) The Beckham County Line Oh, The Beckham County line Come On Vacation-Leave On Probation They ought to put it on a sign Stake it in the grass along I-40 At The Beckham County Line Oh, the Beckham County Line
____________________ Andrea |
||||||||||||
|