View single post by derrickhand300
 Posted: Thu Jan 21st, 2021 08:46 pm
PMQuoteReplyFull Topic
derrickhand300



Joined: Wed Nov 25th, 2020
Location: Oklahoma USA
Posts: 258
Status: 
Offline
Andrea- took your advice and started working. I tried best i could to clean up the syllable count

Took the paragraph out of V2 and used it for a Bridge
Which left me needing a new V2?

As you can see in the place of " ....... " is where I could use some help. "laughter" is the best rhyme I could come up with for "After" but struggling to fill in the line :(

Also if you see changes you feel need to be made OR if I need to trash V2 in part or all and start over please let me know your opinion

I would like to submit this to that Pitch To pro pipeline on Fridays tomorrow so any feedback appreciated ( I always try to submit something each Friday)
Here goes...



No Need Callin' Mama
(Verse 1)
Passin' through Western Oklahoma
Keep on 'til that Texas line
Don't even stop for fuel
Unless you plan on doin' time

Beckham County good ol' boys
Dyin' to stop and say "hello"
Then they search your car
No plans on lettin' you go

They're sure to find contraband
Even when it was never there
Gathering up their "evidence"
Pullin' it out of thin air

(Chorus)
"Come On Vacation-Leave On Probation "
They ought to put it on a sign
Stake it in the grass along I-40
At The Beckham County Line

DA's gonna get her Court Costs
Lawyers' gonna get his fees
No need callin' mama
She aint got the keys

(Verse 2)
You can smile for your mug shot
Make a face that looks real sad
Aint goin' to make no difference
Now that you been had!

Gonna get your phone call
Sure they'll feed you beans
Just plan on spendin time
If you aint got the green

Dollars are what they're after
Make no doubts about that
Bein' broke aint no joke
......................laughter

(Bridge)
Now take my warning serious
I'm sittin' here awaiting bail
Don't stop in Beckham County
Unless you're lookin for jail

(Chorus)
"Come On Vacation-Leave On Probation "
They ought to put it on a sign
Stake it in the grass along I-40
At The Beckham County Line

DA's gonna get her Court Costs
Lawyers' gonna get his fees
No need callin' mama
She aint got the keys

Last edited on Thu Jan 21st, 2021 08:48 pm by derrickhand300



____________________
When You're A Hammer- The Whole Word Is A Nail
Close Window