|View single post by derrickhand300|
|Posted: Thu Jan 21st, 2021 07:24 pm||
Hi Curtis,These are entertaining lyrics, with quite the background story. Sorry that happened to you - it sounds like a perfectly awful experience. Except the final verse, the rhyme scheme holds well (cell and jail do not rhyme. Maybe -- A stop in Beckham County ensures a stint in Hell). The syllable counts are a bit off, so I would try to tweak the lines a bit here and there.
Thanks Andrea!I say it often- but out of EVERY place Ive seen on the internet THIS is the best place for constructive feedback! It a VERY small active group here and thats sad because EVERYONE that writes should be here. I actually feel like some of you are educators in real life- or retired from it-likely backgrounds in writing or music
I do love your suggestions-you identified the place that i also felt were weak and could use improvement as I found myself "rushing" to finish it- I will return to those this even for a rewrite
Again I appreciate yall!
PS- we talk funny in Oklahoma- hehe- so we write that way to- thats where words like "gonna: come in....Its funny-It 1980 I had this American Government and Politics teacher- she followed my posts on facebook awhile all these years later then she finally commented "Only in Oklahoma can you say "Fixin to" and everyone knows what you're talking about I say words like "fixin to" a ot in everyday language and even typing- if you ever heard my voice you would say 'man what a hick!" I do enjoy writing in a more intelligent fashion though- it allows me to be understood as "ME"
Last edited on Thu Jan 21st, 2021 07:29 pm by derrickhand300
When You're A Hammer- The Whole Word Is A Nail