View single post by Taylorm260
 Posted: Sun Jan 17th, 2021 11:33 pm
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Joined: Wed Dec 9th, 2020
Posts: 78
A part of my soul walks through the room
^^^^ I like that it's just a part

My eyes turn wet, I’m afraid to speak
^^^^ "turn wet" is a little odd to me.

Ashamed of calling death a damn thief
^^^^ I know why you used the word ashamed, but I think there may be a word that fits better into this sentence.

The love you gave me can no one erase
^^^^^ maybe "not one can erase"

My heartache still takes away my sight
^^^^^ not sure how heartache would directly influence sight.

This silence is still hurting my ears
^^^^^ muy bueno

While praying that you two find relief
^^^^^ I'm guessing that you wrote this for someone else about someone else's life based on this line, but for most audiences, the sudden "you two" may seem a little out of place.

Very emotional. Pair it with the right music and I think you can draw quite a bit from your audience.

Edit: I just finished here to go work on a sassy, seductive sort of song and I can't do it now because your lyrics so effectively put me into a darker more solemn mood lol. Good job.

Last edited on Sun Jan 17th, 2021 11:39 pm by Taylorm260

Disclaimer: I am a beginner! Take any advice from me with a grain of salt because I probably don't know what I'm talking about!
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