|View single post by Taylorm260|
|Posted: Sun Jan 17th, 2021 11:33 pm||
|A part of my soul walks through the room
^^^^ I like that it's just a part
My eyes turn wet, I’m afraid to speak
^^^^ "turn wet" is a little odd to me.
Ashamed of calling death a damn thief
^^^^ I know why you used the word ashamed, but I think there may be a word that fits better into this sentence.
The love you gave me can no one erase
^^^^^ maybe "not one can erase"
My heartache still takes away my sight
^^^^^ not sure how heartache would directly influence sight.
This silence is still hurting my ears
^^^^^ muy bueno
While praying that you two find relief
^^^^^ I'm guessing that you wrote this for someone else about someone else's life based on this line, but for most audiences, the sudden "you two" may seem a little out of place.
Very emotional. Pair it with the right music and I think you can draw quite a bit from your audience.
Edit: I just finished here to go work on a sassy, seductive sort of song and I can't do it now because your lyrics so effectively put me into a darker more solemn mood lol. Good job.
Last edited on Sun Jan 17th, 2021 11:39 pm by Taylorm260
Disclaimer: I am a beginner! Take any advice from me with a grain of salt because I probably don't know what I'm talking about!