View single post by BRD
 Posted: Wed Nov 18th, 2020 02:42 am
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Joined: Sun Aug 4th, 2019
Location: Arkansas USA
Posts: 71
I think there are some times where the first three lines in a stanza are really, really strong- which is great. But I felt like I didn't get the payoff with the last line.

I'll never forget the day you left
You thought you were so cool
Thought you broke my cowboy heart
Now that was pretty cruel..

I really like the first three lines. I get the sense that this will be a sort of "How do you like me now" twist, which is fine for me, because I don't mind some Toby Keith now and again. That said, I don't feel like I get the payoff with the last line. I'd almost like that stanza wrapped up with maybe a backhanded insult to the girl for some reason.

But I've got a little surprise for you..
The pain didn't last that long..
I sat and thought 'bout it a while..
The day you done me wrong..

Same thing here. I really like where the first three lines are going. Really digging it, and I KNOW at this point I want an insult to the girl. Or at least a backhanded comment about her in regards to how you're coping.

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