View single post by RainyDayMan
 Posted: Wed Nov 11th, 2020 09:58 pm
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RainyDayMan



Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Stratford, Australia
Posts: 6983
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I like the attitude of this one. The pain didn't last. When I thought it about, you were in the wrong. It's a nice variation on a lament.

I like the title / hook, but I'm with Andrea that I interpret is having the opposite meaning to how it's used here. As in "I'm yours at goodbye" whereas he clearly isn't hers anymore at all!

It looks like you are only using the chorus once? Though it's possibly meant to be repeated at the end. That seems a waste of a good chorus. I can see you're trying to let the story build to the point where you can use the line:
Girl you had me at goodbye!
as a lead in to the chorus, but it seems a long time coming. If at all possible I'd look to get the chorus in after the second verse and used at least 3 times in the whole song.

One small thing you might look at is using "thought" in both the opening lines. I think it would sound better if you could swap one of those for something else, so maybe:
You thought you were so cool > Thinking you were so cool

But the song definitely has potential.



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