View single post by RainyDayMan
 Posted: Sun Nov 1st, 2020 08:38 pm
PMQuoteReplyFull Topic
RainyDayMan



Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Stratford, Australia
Posts: 6967
Status: 
Offline
I like this. I think your chorus works particularly well.
Really tight message there and one to pull on the heart strings.

Lots of visuals in the verses. You paint a really detailed picture there. Right from the very first line. And it's not a cliched one either.

There's only two things that you might look at.
One is the teddy bear, because it tends to bring a child to mind rather than a gift to a lady (which I think is intended by the roses) and could be interpreted as a child having been in the accident. That's probably stronger than you want with the positive reveal at the end.
The other is the trooper's tear. If it all turns out ok in the end that seems out of place. Also it just doesn't seem likely.

But those are pretty small things in a good lyric. Nicely done!



____________________
https://soundcloud.com/RainyDayMan/tracks
https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=708281
Close Window