View single post by cmaja
 Posted: Mon Aug 17th, 2020 06:13 am
PMQuoteReplyFull Topic
cmaja



Joined: Fri Mar 22nd, 2019
Location: Kennewick, Washington USA
Posts: 1079
Status: 
Offline
Hi, JD... I like this a lot! It read well save for a some areas, as follows:

1. And now no one can help me, not even God up above. Try: And now no one can help me, maybe God above. Surely God is the best of helpers.

2. Your chorus is good, you need to repeat it after the second verse.

3. Bridge, first line: ‘Why won’t you tell me that you love,’ doesn’t quite make sense. Maybe: ‘Why won’t you tell me you may be in love.’ Or: ‘Why won’t you tell me you feel our love.’

But overall it’s looking good!

Charles



____________________
All songs are from God. Those that are not, aren’t songs at all.
Close Window