View single post by RainyDayMan
 Posted: Sat Aug 15th, 2020 12:22 am
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RainyDayMan



Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Stratford, Australia
Posts: 6973
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I like it overall.
"What if, what could’ve been, and why" is a nice hook.

It may need a little smoothing when set to music, but best to wait for that. So for example I can imagine the first verse as:
I go home and drink alone
Try’na wash my what if’s..all away
The why’s’ll take a few more shots
Our could’ve beens... a whole damn case
-but only to the rhythm in my head!

My favorite part is:
Some questions don’t have answers
Sometimes truth contains a lie
So I ask myself these questions
What if, what could’ve been, and why

and I'd be tempted to use this as a pre-chorus

I don't like this line:
It’s hard erasing want
though the meaning fits. Maybe:
It’s hard erasing could've beens
While thinking someday we just might


I don't like the verse starting:
Maybe we can make love
I feel like the "what if" examples should be kept to the "What if were together" chorus(?) and the verses stick to the difficult realities.
If you did have the "Some questions don’t have answers" part in there as a pre-chorus you may not even need that extra verse.

Not sure about the "I appreciate everything about you" section. It feels out of kilter with the rest of the song.

But I like the coda. A different kind of wondering.



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