View single post by Andrea
 Posted: Thu Aug 13th, 2020 10:17 pm
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Andrea

 

Joined: Tue Nov 27th, 2018
Location: Poughkeepsie, New York USA
Posts: 1775
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I like the descriptive use of the weather to depict an internal storm. The chorus is my favorite part, although I am unsure about saying 'hear my plea'. I am not sure who you are talking to here.

As for:
"A flash lights up my single thoughts
And then I pray to be reborn"

I liked the flash idea for thoughts. I might change out single for something else (jumbled, inner, volatile...)

When I read this, reborn didn't feel like it fit quite right. I read your answer to RDM, and maybe rather than say I pray to be reborn, say something like I feel reborn?



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Andrea
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