View single post by RainyDayMan
 Posted: Wed Jul 15th, 2020 07:23 am
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RainyDayMan



Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Stratford, Australia
Posts: 6627
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I like the flow and feel of this, seems like its nearly there.

From those first verses, I read it as a relationship that broke down 30 years ago. If that's so, it seems a forlorn hope that they are getting back together, regardless of distance.

I get the feeling you havent quite decided whether they are getting back together or not. Might help the song click if you went one way or the other. Set everything in the past tense and it becomes how do I go forward when my heart still points to you? Or lose the 30 years thing and make it current where they still have a chance if she will acknowledge they are meant for each other.

The 2nd half of the chorus seems to repeat the first 3 lines. I'd try for something that explicitly says where the heart is meant to be, like a lodestone pointing to you, or something like that.



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