|Joined: ||Mon Jul 6th, 2020|
|Location: ||United Kingdom|
Mhh... I do like the style you have. But I also have to agree with RDM at least partly. I think I know what you want to describe but there is a point where you lose me. I think it starts when you start talking about the dream you had...don’t get me wrong I think I know what you want to say...like a nightmare became your reality but this part somehow...mhh doesn’t quiet fit in for me. To me that would be a topic for another song. And you said „a dream I had“....and later you say „wake me up...“ just made me frown.
There is also one line I personally would change a little, and that is:
Come to me, stand near.... I’d change that to standing near/and stand near/please stand near...something like that. To me it would help the flow.
But yeah the way you write, minimalistic and connected is very good and it’s a topic I can relate to, I’d try and work the corners round and that’s it!
Hi and thank you, as it happens I sat down yesterday and decided the dream part should be another song. I have changed several things and when I am finished a bit more will post again on here.
I have also added some clarity, I think, to the meaning in fact using my reply to RDM about not feeling sure in your own skin