View single post by RainbowKeeper
 Posted: Tue Jul 7th, 2020 09:19 pm
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Joined: Fri Feb 14th, 2020
Location: Germany
Posts: 466
Hey there,
Mhh... I do like the style you have. But I also have to agree with RDM at least partly. I think I know what you want to describe but there is a point where you lose me. I think it starts when you start talking about the dream you had...don’t get me wrong I think I know what you want to a nightmare became your reality but this part somehow...mhh doesn’t quiet fit in for me. To me that would be a topic for another song. And you said „a dream I had“....and later you say „wake me up...“ just made me frown.
There is also one line I personally would change a little, and that is:
Come to me, stand near.... I’d change that to standing near/and stand near/please stand near...something like that. To me it would help the flow.
But yeah the way you write, minimalistic and connected is very good and it’s a topic I can relate to, I’d try and work the corners round and that’s it!


Hey y’all !
Im new here and tryin to figure out how this forum works!
Interested in convos about good music and specially about songwriting, lyrics and ideas. All my stuff is protected! copyright by FabIan Peters

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