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I get where you're coming from lyrically. I have been a literature student for 7 years so I understand the "laws" of prose & poetry writing, don't get me wrong. In other words, I'm saying I know how to write well. So I took it as an insult when you said to go read Shakespeare to be honest because as a student I have read through and analysed his material. But that's honestly just my ego acting up.
Anyway...
First of all, I acknowledge your comment on being more descriptive in lyric writing. Descriptive writing is something I champion in writing prose but realised since your comment that I haven't utilized that in song writing. Could be as a result of being a total noob. I'll work on that for future songs.
Second, I don't think the song is as forward as you presume it is. First off, I'm not even talking about being sad. As it regards your comment on language, I was thinking of making it more poetic in other aspects lyrically but felt detached from the song as a result. I had to say some things "straight up" for therapeutic purposes. So the lyrics are very intentional. Yes, it is a journal entry. No, it is not about sadness.
Using more poetic language for this song in particular felt like I'd be beating around the bush instead of saying how I really feel (I didn't want to do that). So when I sing it back to myself, it won't have much meaning, if you understand what I mean. I know because when I attempted to make it more poetic, it wasn't working in terms that need for catharsis.
I know for others, they could connect still even without being as forward. Not so for me.
Feel me?
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