View single post by The Big Gundown
 Posted: Sun May 17th, 2020 05:19 am
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The Big Gundown



Joined: Wed May 6th, 2020
Location: Canada
Posts: 73
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Hi,

Congratulations! It is so hard to put out your work on such a public forum. But what's good is it's unbiased and honest. When you give it to friends they'll say it's good just to be nice or make fun of it so you don't really know.

A lot of us have this inner struggle that we face everyday (well I know I do) so you've hit on an universal theme. It is a hard place to exist and some can lose their way so letting people know they're not alone is important.

In poetry or songs though it's crucial to show us what you mean instead of just telling us. The verses should make us connect to your story, the chorus confirms your theme. Here is an amazing example by Roger Waters with a similar subject in his song Comfortably Numb:

When I was a child I had a fever
My hands felt just like two balloons
Now I've got that feeling once again
I can't explain you would not understand
This is not how I am
I have become comfortably numb

That is true poetry, evoking an image and using it to reveal his struggle. Use metaphors, use real life examples, don't tell us, show us.

It is way easier said than done, as if we all can be as good as Roger Waters! I'm on my songwriting journey too and it's so difficult not to fall into the trap of being too obvious. Thanks for sharing, I wish you well on your writing and other artistic endeavours and hope you post more.:)

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