View single post by RainyDayMan
 Posted: Fri Apr 24th, 2020 08:24 am
PMQuoteReplyFull Topic
RainyDayMan



Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Stratford, Australia
Posts: 7736
Status: 
Offline
I like it RK. That intense focus on a small thing within our large world, yet looking at it reveals its complexity and beauty.

Jazz feels right for this one.

Has a poetic feel to it, especially the first verse.

I'm less keen on these lines:
And people know how to use you, too
They eat you, use you for medicin

they seem to break the spell you've woven previously.

Suggestions for your consideration:
Forgotten is all the winters gloom > Forgotten is the winters gloom
Ya' a beauty and not simple weed > A beauty and not simple weed
When you prepare yourself for your end > When you prepare for yourself your end
Pieces of your hope that's what you send> Pieces of your hope flying sent
you and me > you and I

You might shorten the bridge section, there's a bit of repetition there.
Why can't life be like a picture
Made by a childs hand
Why can't life be like a picture
More pure than ever seen
And in between the green
More dandelions than you've ever seen...

But I suspect having a lot of personal meaning to you, you will prefer to keep it as is :)



____________________
https://soundcloud.com/RainyDayMan/tracks
https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=708281
Close Window