View single post by Andrea
 Posted: Thu Apr 2nd, 2020 11:19 pm
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Andrea

 

Joined: Tue Nov 27th, 2018
Location: Poughkeepsie, New York USA
Posts: 1728
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Motorist Sketchbook wrote:
Here's a great review of the current lyrics set from a record Producer friend of mine.
Any thoughts on this?

- Sketch

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hey Sketch,

Cool song.  I feel like it could be really catchy.  I think you have a good sense of phrases that would work good in a song.  I wouldn’t have thought to use that when I said it.  But common phrases like that seem to work well.

Some constructive criticism would be that I think the first line of the song needs to be stronger.  Something that gets people’s attention and makes them want to know more.  Also, if you can set the tone of the song right away, that’s good too.  Right now, I have no idea that you are talking about the virus until the 2nd half of the 2nd verse.  If someone heard this song 10 years from now, and had no idea what was going on in the world when it was written, they’d probably be really confused.

One idea, instead of saying that “thing” goin round’, replace “thing” with a different word each verse.  Like the first verse could be virus, then plague, sickness, layoffs.  I’d brainstorm a bunch of words that have to do with what’s going on and see what fits. 

A few more words:
Pink slips
Bio weapon
Bad news
Fake news
Panic
fear
Hoarders

Those are a few to get started.  Just my $.02

-Aaron



Okay, not really a finished product, but maybe something to work with?


Have you heard
bout that virus around
Seems to be spreadin' -
all over town

Cover your mouth
and wash your hands
That's the news
across the land

ten people or less
six feet apart
parties are busted
before they start

store shelves empty
parking lot's full
Infection rates rise
As stock markets falls

Have you heard
bout that virus around
Seems to be spreadin' -
all over town

Hard to keep
from gettin' - you down
trying to live (survive)
in a ghost town


Have you heard
a pandemics at hand
Seems to be spreadin' -
across the lands

over the seas
and over the dale
targets the sick
as well as the frail

nonessentials
work from home
so they can avert
the killer syndrome

Rainbows in widows
to calm the fear
offering hope
and Springtime cheer

Have you heard
a pandemics at hand
Seems to be spreadin' -
across the lands

Hard to keep
from gettin' - you down
trying to live (survive)
in a ghost town



____________________
Andrea
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