View single post by Motorist Sketchbook
 Posted: Wed Apr 1st, 2020 01:33 pm
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Motorist Sketchbook

Joined: Sat Apr 28th, 2018
Location: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
Posts: 1125
Here's a great review of the current lyrics set from a record Producer friend of mine.
Any thoughts on this?

- Sketch


Hey Sketch,

Cool song.  I feel like it could be really catchy.  I think you have a good sense of phrases that would work good in a song.  I wouldn’t have thought to use that when I said it.  But common phrases like that seem to work well.

Some constructive criticism would be that I think the first line of the song needs to be stronger.  Something that gets people’s attention and makes them want to know more.  Also, if you can set the tone of the song right away, that’s good too.  Right now, I have no idea that you are talking about the virus until the 2nd half of the 2nd verse.  If someone heard this song 10 years from now, and had no idea what was going on in the world when it was written, they’d probably be really confused.

One idea, instead of saying that “thing” goin round’, replace “thing” with a different word each verse.  Like the first verse could be virus, then plague, sickness, layoffs.  I’d brainstorm a bunch of words that have to do with what’s going on and see what fits. 

A few more words:
Pink slips
Bio weapon
Bad news
Fake news

Those are a few to get started.  Just my $.02


Blue Collar Road Scholar

Motorist Sketchbook - SoundCloud link:
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