View single post by RainbowKeeper
 Posted: Fri Mar 27th, 2020 11:40 pm
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RainbowKeeper



Joined: Fri Feb 14th, 2020
Location: Germany
Posts: 253
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Hey there,
I like this a lot! I mean the image, the realistic expressions you found by, I guess, just being honest totally fit. The chorus gives me a very well we Germans would call it „aufgekratzt“ feeling. Means I can easily imagine you singing that with a beat that gets stronger with every line. As if you really want to say I do....I doooo....I DO want spring ! Right now! 😉 reminded me a little of a song we sing in the choir....m‘excuse.
But while reading I found some stuff that needs a little „think over“, too. To me it seems to be a bit difficult to find rhymes that fit in. Rhyming sympathy and empty is ok but not that strong. In the Last Vers I personally would come up with a strong rhyme that works around your -...- insert line. I think it would give it a stronger character, especially when it comes to the ability of remembering that song.
Last but not least one small thing ...the line: So I can finally feel whole...
It maybe not the best English if you change it, but I would switch finally and feel. I think this would give more room to breath and would also allow you to make a little ‚stop‘ between two Messeges...one you will feel again (not caged in winters darkness anymore) and the following :feeling whole again, which makes the whole meaning even stronger!, well at least in my opinion.

Good stuff, even a winterdepression can inspire us 😉
And I promise I will find out why my cell always want to spell Messegelände....when I want to type message.... drivin me nuts....seriously!

Anyway I hope you stay safe and you enjoy ya weekend!
RK



____________________
Hey y’all !
Im new here and tryin to figure out how this forum works!
Interested in convos about good music and specially about songwriting, lyrics and ideas. All my stuff is protected! copyright by FabIan Peters

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