View single post by Billy_Lunch_Money
 Posted: Wed Mar 18th, 2020 10:19 pm
PMQuoteReplyFull Topic
Billy_Lunch_Money



Joined: Fri Mar 2nd, 2018
Location: Leicester, United Kingdom
Posts: 255
Status: 
Offline
Hi RK

I like this one quite a lot!

Just a thought since you said "I‘m not sure about the c-part." It does feel a little squeezed out! I'm not sure if this is going to help!

The use of "Why" in this song seems to make it a bit of an abrupt question to the listener/reader. Perhaps using "Oh" and/or "So" or at something along those lines would make it a bit more of an open question up for interpretation by the listener. Maybe build up to the "Why"?

I was wondering if this is a one person/personal journey, in parts you have use "I"? On that note maybe a few "we"s may be a bit more inviting to the listener?

I'm not entirely sure as I'm still learning the ropes myself!

BLM


BLM



____________________
I'm taking a little break from writing and posting lyrics. But it doesn't mean I'm taking a break from TSF, just strengthening my musical skills.

https://soundcloud.com/elijah-falls
Close Window