View single post by RainbowKeeper
 Posted: Fri Feb 28th, 2020 03:00 am
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RainbowKeeper



Joined: Fri Feb 14th, 2020
Location: Germany
Posts: 511
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Hello ma‘m
I like the last version u posted a lot. There it shows, not only because of the quick words chance, a very strong „flow“.
But I know that u like honest feedback and ideas, so here are mine:

I would add -s to the word turbulence (this really annoyed me while reading. Can’t even say why, but somehow...I dunno it feels right to me)

Besides that I d like to give some more ideas. I would think about:
Streaming/waterfalls and maybe a lighthouse.

In the end, all u need to do is give it strong legs the song can stand on. U know like I said there is a lot of confusion in it but I think you need to build a frame around it. I’d like that, but as always: these r just my ideas. I really love what u try to say here and how u do it, cause I know that it comes from the heart and that’s where it SHOULD come from! 😉👍



____________________
Hey y’all !
Im new here and tryin to figure out how this forum works!
Interested in convos about good music and specially about songwriting, lyrics and ideas. All my stuff is protected! copyright by FabIan Peters

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