View single post by Andrea
 Posted: Tue Feb 18th, 2020 10:59 pm
PMQuoteReplyFull Topic
Andrea

 

Joined: Tue Nov 27th, 2018
Location: Poughkeepsie, New York USA
Posts: 1759
Status: 
Offline
Hey Billy, As per our PM I am posting my ideas for a new rhyme scheme/verses. BTW, I often write in metal so the short verses may not fit what you had in mind. Words can always be strung out to make it less choppy.

I was having a hard time with the rhyme scheme, so here my attempt to simplify (I am kind of keen on the chorus so have nothing to offer):

I feel the ache in my bones
straight to the core
all my years(tears) that you stole
your heart’s made of stone
There is nothing left for us here anymore

Deceived by the lies you told
lies that I forgave
jaded I finally see
your heart's frozen cold
you're dead to me now, you made(dug) your own grave

There's a wound where my heart used to be
burns to my soul.
I feel so lost and alone
consumed by misery
Wish the skies would open, and swallow me whole.



____________________
Andrea
Close Window