View single post by Andrea
 Posted: Sun Feb 16th, 2020 09:45 pm
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Andrea

 

Joined: Tue Nov 27th, 2018
Location: Poughkeepsie, New York USA
Posts: 1161
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There is a lot to like here. I agree it feels like it is about a relationship, but then it takes a turn. I would suggest taking out the lines about the woman and replacing them with something about music. Maybe even the advice could be altered. Maybe he tells him how the world goes around and how it is hard, or unfair... He gives advice about how he is talented and be believes in him. Scrap the woman lines and add something about playing guitar. I didn't relate to the Ronnie. I like this quite a bit. I would be happy to a offer more ideas if you want them.

Last edited on Sun Feb 16th, 2020 09:45 pm by Andrea



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