View single post by RainyDayMan
 Posted: Wed Feb 5th, 2020 11:59 pm
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RainyDayMan



Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Stratford, Australia
Posts: 6034
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I like this line:
Still you loved me, love without fail!
Lyrically, and musically that feels the strongest to me.
At the close you only use the second half of that, but you might try using the whole line and maybe put it into the present tense? So:
Still you love me, love without fail.

The key seems a touch high for your voice, have you tried dropping it slightly? You're on key, it just felt a bit strained once or twice.

"Worm" felt a bit strong to me. The song is asking people to put themselves in this position, and something else that infers weakness or sin but is less off-putting may work better for that effect.

I'd change the tense on "I spit on you" to match the rest which are in the past tense.



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