View single post by RainyDayMan
 Posted: Tue Feb 4th, 2020 08:16 am
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Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Stratford, Australia
Posts: 6985
I like that refrain! And it feels like it should fit the musical style you have in mind. It has a definite mood and vibe going.

The verses feel a bit short. I can't hear what you have in mind musically, but just reading it, the refrain seems to come back very quickly.

The marrow/stone lines stand out as not rhyming the way the others do. You can probably get away with that here given the continuing repeat on "just let me go!". Some variation isn't a bad thing. And again the music might emphasize or de-emphasize that.

And you might consider a break/middle 8 just to shake things up a bit, although a solo could also do the same job.

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