View single post by RainyDayMan
 Posted: Mon Sep 2nd, 2019 11:32 pm
PMQuoteReplyFull Topic
RainyDayMan



Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Stratford, Australia
Posts: 6453
Status: 
Offline
Yep, got some solid foundations to work from here!
I particularly liked:
Lock my heart up with hers, and throw away the keys

In terms of your chorus, I'd be tempted to build on the word "guilty" along the lines of:
Guilty, guilty of dreaming
Guilty, guilty for scheming
and maybe lead with that.
I'm not convinced about the "If justice was water" part, but if you want to keep that I would put it just before the "guilty as a man can get" line to emphasize the rhyme.



____________________
https://soundcloud.com/RainyDayMan/tracks
https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=708281
Close Window