View single post by RainyDayMan
 Posted: Fri Aug 16th, 2019 07:17 am
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RainyDayMan



Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Stratford, Australia
Posts: 6774
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Andrea, I don't think you need more, I think you need less.

I would lose the opening verse "It was Friday night..."
It isn't particularly strong and adds nothing to the story.
I think you can start at "baring our souls..."

The pre-chorus feels tight, though I would change the second "too young" to too something else

The chorus feels ok. I like the repetition on your key lines. It will probably come out well with the right music.

I would lose the "we were very good" verse. It feels a bit childish to me. I know it's about childhood experience, but it doesn't convince me they are made for each other because they played house.

I'm ok with the Zodiac reference. A lost of people will relate there.

I like the "stronger than bullets" part as well.

I think by the time you put it to music with some turnarounds included it will be long enough.



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