View single post by RainyDayMan
 Posted: Sun Aug 11th, 2019 10:28 am
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RainyDayMan



Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Stratford, Australia
Posts: 5451
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There's a cool vibe to this BRD! I think your chorus really hits the mark, that felt particularly strong.

I think the 'and you' on the end should go though.
There's no other reference to this person, and it really feels like they are just there to make the rhyme.

I was reading the verses, trying to find the rhythm of it, and couldn't quite get there. As Charles said, there a few extra words there that could be cut, and I would do that until you even out the syllables and can find that rhythm.
If you already have it sorted in your head and it fits then cool, otherwise be ruthless!



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