|View single post by RainyDayMan|
|Posted: Thu Jun 27th, 2019 01:20 am||
|Mike, I like everything here except your title/hook - I think it's too convoluted.
I think you might have to comprise there. Even re-arranging it more like:
without one I can't live without
is still unwieldy. You may need to find some other line. Maybe:
How do I live, learn to live without
or something like that. But that doesn't fit every instance where you've used it.
But there's heart-wrenching emotion there. And some great lines:
Today I... Asked for an answer
I guess getting no answer, was my only sign
Now one is a crowd
She said that my loss, was her greatest gain
I do like the song, but it's central line is troublesome.