View single post by RainyDayMan
 Posted: Thu Jun 27th, 2019 12:20 am
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Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Stratford, Australia
Posts: 6552
Mike, I like everything here except your title/hook - I think it's too convoluted.

I think you might have to comprise there. Even re-arranging it more like:
without one I can't live without
is still unwieldy. You may need to find some other line. Maybe:
How do I live, learn to live without
or something like that. But that doesn't fit every instance where you've used it.

But there's heart-wrenching emotion there. And some great lines:
Today I... Asked for an answer
I guess getting no answer, was my only sign

Now one is a crowd

She said that my loss, was her greatest gain

I do like the song, but it's central line is troublesome.

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