View single post by RainyDayMan
 Posted: Sat Jun 8th, 2019 01:28 am
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RainyDayMan



Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Stratford, Australia
Posts: 5757
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Great feel to this - warm and loving. Those first two verses are especially good. They flow beautifully.

The "glossy page" simile doesn't feel quite as complimentary, but I like the next two lines in that verse.

In v4, I'd look for a different way to say:
stop worrying about your aging
as you've used "age" before.
Maybe there's something about lines or wrinkles there?
But the next 3 lines are good.

And the bookend verse to finish works for me!
I think you have a good one in the making here :)



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