View single post by Kel
 Posted: Wed Apr 3rd, 2019 10:47 pm
PMQuoteReplyFull Topic
Kel

 

Joined: Thu Feb 7th, 2019
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Posts: 145
Status: 
Offline
Hi Charles,

I really like the lyric, but think the last line (if the w***s is what I think it is leaves a bad taste. I know that young men in a hard place with an uncertain future may need such an escape, and have no issue with the practice, just putting it into song...

How about something like:

Why do we hide it
Why do we abide
Traumatic tattoos
For cadre and corps,
When we revisit
Our visions of war.

Corps may seem to single out USMC which is why I've used it with a no capital, but I mean no offence to army, navy or air force vets.

Like my use of corps, re-visions will sound like revisions, and some may think re-writing the war, which is the last thing you'd be thinking, I'm sure.

With respect,
Kel



____________________
Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% what I do about it. Scipio Africanus
Close Window