View single post by RainyDayMan
 Posted: Fri Feb 15th, 2019 01:13 am
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RainyDayMan



Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Stratford, Australia
Posts: 5813
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I have mixed feelings on this one.

I really like the overall vibe, and the "next in line" hook works for me.

By the end, I felt like it was repeating itself more than developing though. The idea didn't seem to have anywhere to go.

You might try:
Only time and love... > Time and love ...

I think you might need to work on:
may forgiveness you find
that felt an awkward wording.

But there's more here to like than not.



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