|View single post by Kel|
|Posted: Fri Feb 8th, 2019 01:47 am||
I really like your take on this. I've known a few people this relates to, as most of us do.
I think there are a few too many words here and there and losing a few won't hurt anything. As an example:
in the quiet of the night, I try to unravel what is right
in the quiet of the night i unravel what is right
But that is being picky! However the 3rd line of the chorus is weak: but it's really true they really really do
and it's the really really that does it. I'm a bit of an adverb nazi at the best of times, and having 3 really's in one line grates on my nerves (I almost said really myself!).
I understand you want emphasis here because it's leading to the hook however I think something else will work much betterer.
but it's the Lord's own honest truth... is an example for you.
Keep or sweep, mate, great job.
Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% what I do about it. Scipio Africanus