View single post by Kel
 Posted: Fri Feb 8th, 2019 12:47 am
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Kel

 

Joined: Thu Feb 7th, 2019
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Posts: 145
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Hi Alan,

I really like your take on this. I've known a few people this relates to, as most of us do.

I think there are a few too many words here and there and losing a few won't hurt anything. As an example:

in the quiet of the night, I try to unravel what is right
>>
in the quiet of the night i unravel what is right

But that is being picky! However the 3rd line of the chorus is weak: but it's really true they really really do
and it's the really really that does it. I'm a bit of an adverb nazi at the best of times, and having 3 really's in one line grates on my nerves (I almost said really myself!).

I understand you want emphasis here because it's leading to the hook however I think something else will work much betterer.

but it's the Lord's own honest truth... is an example for you.

Keep or sweep, mate, great job.

Cheers,
Kel



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Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% what I do about it. Scipio Africanus
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