|View single post by M.P. Dudash|
|Posted: Fri Oct 5th, 2018 01:00 am||
|Taylor, I like v1 and line 2 for me is the best line in the song. It's original. Now, I don't know how you have it sounding in your head but to me the chorus seems it could use some work. I'm not big on line 2 of the chorus, it doesn't sing well for me.
Maybe:I gave you the keys to my heart and soul
My time and my pride my youth now I'm old
I gave you my strength and also my faith
You turned them around and returned them in haste
Though you gave nothing
When we depart
There'll be two of us knowing
I gave all of my heart
Probably doesn't fit, but maybe give you an idea. Probably look to substitute cuts like a knife also. Figure a more original take on it. Good start, I see where some lines look like they could be combined also. I overwrite myself. Everyone touts keep it short and simple it seems.
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